Today, I came across the blog of somebody I know. It was the most odd experience of my life, especially since it contained things that I know she would never say to me. It felt like spying or reading her diary, but it was something that she had chosen to post for the entire world to read.
My blog is rather like that as well. Not half as searingly personal, perhaps, but... in person, I don't talk about many of these things. I don't show anyone my writing, I don't talk about my feelings, I don't rant about how sad I am feeling today. Mostly because I consider it pretty pathetic. Partially because it's not my persona. (These very sentences I wouldn't tell to people in person) But I post them on my blog, even though I know for a fact that this blog is read by people I know.
I think it's the impersonal touch. How can you be embarrassed of just typing your thoughts into a screen? It's like a diary, and nobody is so pathetic as to lie to their diary.
And there's also a confessional aspect going. Type your fears, your hopes, your worries, and some anonymous strangers may come along and validate them. It's like a universal bartender- a place to pour out all your troubles, and get a sympathetic ear. Not much judging, maybe not even much caring. But when you're done, there are all your thoughts, out there on the internet. It makes them real, concrete. It's like catharasis.
Not that I use the blog for this much. My current biggest life dilemma has not made it onto my blog and is not going to make it probably until I've gotten it figured out. (If you know what I'm talking about, you're right. If you don't, don't guess. You're not going to be able to.) I rarely succumb to venting my real thoughts- does that make this blog less honest or simply less personal? And who cares? Is there some duty out there to tell your blog everything, as if it matters?
Perhaps I would be more honest with the blog if I knew for a fact that nobody reading it could know who I am. This is not currently the case, and perhaps it is better this way. If I wanted to keep a diary, I am perfectly capable of doing so. I don't and so I don't. A blog is not a diary, I think, but I am still not entirely certain what it is. I am probably over-analyzing the whole thing.
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5 comments:
So, would you like me to stop reading your blog and remove the link from my atom feeds?
Or, you could just change the location of the blog, rename it, and then start afresh. Or sign up for a new one, like I've done.
Yeah,
I know what you mean about anonymity. I am still trying to figure out how anonymous I want to be. We both live in a pretty small community and there are some aspects to my life that would pretty much identify me without me even outing myself.
So for now, some of my innermost thoughts will stay inside.
Of course you (or I) can start a brand new blogs where we are totally anonymous and blog away whatever deep dark secrets are tormenting us. It is tempting.
Richard and E-Kvetcher-
Part of the point of the post was that I'm not so sure I like this confessionalism of blogs. I'm not the sort to air my problems to the world under any circumstances, and so I don't see why I should do so on the internet. Therefore, I think in a way I'm glad that I am constrained by my lack of anonymity- it keeps me bound to being not much more mushy-gushy, emotional, and soul-searing than I am in real life, which I think is good for me.
Hmm... I'm not sure what to say. A blog for me is a place where I write whatever I want, withing reason. I wouldn't rat out on my employer or call my relatives bad names, for instance. But writing about myself, my own experiences, thoughts and emotions? If someone tells me that other people may judge me if they read my personal thoughts, my answer is Rhett Butler's "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." I used to be a lot more cautious, but over time, I grew much more comfortable with writing whatever I like.
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